"A Christian was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the Christian."How about God, or Heaven and Hell, or life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The Christian, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven or Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.."
An Auckland prostitute decided to help out overseas visitors to New Zealand for the world cup. So she got tattooed on the inside of her left thigh an image of Richie McCaw, and on her right thigh, one of Sonny Bill Williams.
Her first customer (an Irishman) was told that if he could tell her the name of either one of them, she would give her services for free!
The Irishman studied them hard for a couple of minutes and said, "Sorry I don't have a clue, but the one in the middle, with the big lips and long hair is Ma'a Nonu.”
Submitted by Chris D on September 30, 2011 - 5:56am.
LOL I read that first one a couple of days ago word for word, except the little girl was the Christian and it was being posted by some smug religious retard on reddit.
Submitted by Chris A on December 23, 2011 - 6:32pm.
So there's this foreign guy at our school and he asked to do this winter camp so he's not bored out of his mind over winter, but they had conversational classes scheduled then. At first they rescheduled, but then they thought, 'fuck it' so now he has more time doing nothing than before. Here's the twist; I'm the foreign guy. Oh, and it pays extra.
"A Christian was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the Christian."How about God, or Heaven and Hell, or life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The Christian, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven or Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.."
The local hooker
An Auckland prostitute decided to help out overseas visitors to New Zealand for the world cup. So she got tattooed on the inside of her left thigh an image of Richie McCaw, and on her right thigh, one of Sonny Bill Williams.
Her first customer (an Irishman) was told that if he could tell her the name of either one of them, she would give her services for free!
The Irishman studied them hard for a couple of minutes and said, "Sorry I don't have a clue, but the one in the middle, with the big lips and long hair is Ma'a Nonu.”
LOL I read that first one a couple of days ago word for word, except the little girl was the Christian and it was being posted by some smug religious retard on reddit.
That second one is awesome.
I don't really receive email jokes. If I do, they usually come from either of my parents.
Hrmm yeah I don't really get any non-work, non-spam emails at all
http://dilbert.com/2011-12-16/
Favorite Dilbert to date, particularly considering the following.....
We offered our staff cheap hams, as we do every year. This year we had orders totaling approx 7k of ham.
In order to ensure the right people were charged for, and received their hams, the receptionists decided to staple invoices to each ham.
Good thinking other than the fact that they stapled into the shrink wrap, meaning all the hams had to be thrown out and replaced!
LOL!
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Actual LOLs were had.
Oh my fucking god.
That just made my fucking day!
So there's this foreign guy at our school and he asked to do this winter camp so he's not bored out of his mind over winter, but they had conversational classes scheduled then. At first they rescheduled, but then they thought, 'fuck it' so now he has more time doing nothing than before. Here's the twist; I'm the foreign guy. Oh, and it pays extra.
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
I've had too much soju for lunch.
Great post.
I felt hung over by 5